the island girl who does not do boats.

Elafiti islands boat trip

What does one do in Croatia besides being at the beach, swimming under the pouring rain, gazing at small tornadoes far away, and having the sun breaking in like nothing happened in the past 5 minutes? We go on boat tours.

Wasn’t a fan. Still not a fan.
I’m from an island but boats aren’t my thing. Yes, we people from an island are not born with gills and scales. We sometimes are more of a land type of creature. Never in my life have I ever travelled so much by boat. But, the island tours are worth the while. Even if in a rocking-inducing-vomit boat.

Our first trip was to the Elafiti islands, a group of small islands just north of Dubrovnik. To start things off, when we got to the marina, we were presented with an old-boat-imitating type of boat. The ones we Portuguese used to discover new worlds. However, this one was just useful to make me stay sick for most of the day. Again, I am from an island but I do not do boats. But there I was. Because my husband is like kids and wants to jump on board (literally)to every single adventure in front of him.


I do think we started in Kolocep, a nice little island where we were left to stroll around in discovery-hiking mode. Really nice and untouched, but really nothing special. We got to the other side of the island in no time and went for a stroll on the beach. The fishermen were preparing their boats to go to work. Sometimes just sitting down and taking in everything that is presented itself in front of us, in silence, is the best way to absorb all the new places we visit. And my husband gets a break from me.

We then headed back to the boat or we could end up stuck on that island. They said they wouldn’t wait for us. Croatian sympathy at its best. We had lunch onboard. At least it was anchored therefore not moving, therefore, I wasn’t too sick eat. They presented us with a plate full of mashed potatoes with a type of grilled sardines on top of it. I then got sick. Off to the next island. We are moving again tummy, be ready.


The second island we visited was also really picturesque and serene, Lopud. We got to hike through the island, walking past many fig trees and through people’s back gardens (all doors were left open, trust prevailed in this small island in the middle of the Adriatic Sea). It had a real beach with white sand and we grabbed the opportunity by the pussy (sorry, had to). We went in for a dive in the sea to refresh our heads. Followed by relaxing and sunbathing. Basically, that was it and it was simply what we needed. Still had my head spinning like crazy, round and round. Thank you boat.


We then headed to our last island, Šipan, the largest of the archipelago. We sat on the harbour and enjoyed the sun and the views and just unwind away. You do have the opportunity to walk around the island and explore its landmarks but I was too dizzy to walk around. And all the walking in Lopud got me tired (swimming and sunbathing and sleeping, it always makes me tired…) All very relaxing in preparation what was about to happen.

The island girl who does not do boats. At all.

The journey back was the real highlight of the trip. Not.
Shit always happens to us. When we were returning, the wind picked up and got stronger and stronger and the boat was rocking from the left to the right with wider and wider movements and I am sure that my Portuguese heritage went down the toilet because I was getting sicker and sicker and more scared (almost shitting my pants).

Suddenly someone told us “We have tourists that want to change boat”. And so they did. In the middle of the f*cking open sea with the boat moving around like me in a disco when Daft Punk’s “One More Time” is on. What did I decide to do? “Oh, let’s move to the other boat which is faster and safer”. No. I froze. That’s what I think happened with me. Do not take this as a sign of courage. I was about to shit my pants. I decided “no, let’s stay on the boat, this is fun. Hurray, cannot hold my contentment back” (*this was said to my husband in the most ironic tone of voice you could ever imagine).

I was smiling like a crazy person during the whole trip (it’s my way to cope with scary stuff, I laugh; yes, I am crazy), even when we were really close to some dangerous-looking rocks that would put Titanic’s iceberg in their back pocket. The view of the city, I must say, was truly memorable. The fortress built around the city of Dubrovnik is true “Game of Thrones” worthy. We were approaching the harbour. My dear husband was laughing and laughing and calling me stubborn. That I wanted to pull through and not change boats. I cannot express my gratitude as soon as I set foot again on land.

Need to change my knickers.

After a shower and changing my knickers after that trip, we went out to explore Dubrovnik by night. It was sizzling with people in the streets and in the alfresco restaurants. We decided to have pizza, always a safe option when abroad. The restaurant was by the harbour. Amazing temperature, intoxicating fishy smell, which I love. Don’t get me wrong, I changed knickers. But it’s the smell of the sea, of the fishermen bringing fish in and the smell of the sea breeze. It reminds of home. Where there wasn’t a day I couldn’t hear the seagulls singing.

I was luckier than the cats waiting in the harbour for the fishermen to arrive and share some of the wastes of the fish cleaning process. I had pizza on my plate. Went for the spicy pizza. What did I decide to do? Sprinkle the pizza with freshly ground black pepper. Had my fist bite. My eyes went out the sockets. My nose was dripping like a waterfall and my ass was on alert mode. Again, I was the amusement for my husband and he had to eat the pizza. Never add more spicy shit to your already f*cking spicy pizza, that’s my main advice from this chapter on our travelling memoires. See you next week for more Croatian tips.

Useful tips

We found out about the tour company walking around near the hotel (link below with its location). They are all lined up near the Lapad beach. Or, if you are in Dubrovnik, head out to the harbour (the Old Port as they call it), and you will find yourself spoilt for choice. It is not too expensive for a ticket per person for a day trip with lunch included (around 30 to 40 euros pp) and it’s well worth it as the island beaches are the best spots to go for a dive.

Hotel Valamar President

Again, you will be spoilt for choice when it comes to restaurants. I must say, the restaurant I mentioned last week was the highlight of the trip (first link below). However, the spicy pizza from these guys was really good and its location cannot be beaten. Expect to have dinner with several cats around you.

Highlight: Restaurant Levanat

Spicy pizza: Restaurant Poklisar

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